An Open Letter to Brothers and Sisters in Christ


Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is

not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not

provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice

in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes

all things, hopes all things, endures all things. –1 Corinthians 13:4-7


Dear Brothers and Sisters:


As you may know, I have taken the time to educate myself on the problem of domestic abuse and the mindset of a female abuser. I have communicated with both Christian and non-Christian abuse counselors locally and nationwide, written a Letter to the Editor of our local newspaper, shared my concerns with numerous pastors locally, and written the story, “The Waitress, the Man, and the Rose” ( ).


Yesterday, during another phone conversation with Paula Silva (a Christian counselor and former sufferer of domestic abuse), I was informed of the widespread abuse occurring within the body of Christ, and that many of the calls she receives are from pastors’ wives–all of whom are suffering from one or more forms of domestic abuse (verbal, emotional, and physical).


Yes, you read it right: wives of pastors are being verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by the very men who stand in their pulpits at least three times per week preaching the love and compassion of Jesus Christ.


Again, during my phone conversation with Paula, I learned that it is rare that a man will get involved in the battle against domestic abuse, and stand in the gap for women everywhere who are suffering and living in fear every day of their lives.


While the very thought of a man abusing a woman is repulsive, a man who refuses to come to the aid of an abused woman causes within me an acute case of righteous indignation.


I am not ashamed to say that I have diligently prayed through my tears for women who endure the terrible ordeal of domestic abuse. Now that domestic abuse has reared its ugly head within the body of Christ, our Lord has led me to appeal to you to get involved in yet another “unpaid bill” of the church.


Yes, the battle to expose the cultic, occultic, and heretical teachers of our day is extremely important. However, as we defend the faith against those who promote demonic doctrines, please keep in mind that a man who abuses a woman has the same mindset of a cult leader, who uses the same fear, intimidation, humiliation, and isolation tactics on his followers.


Is there a woman or women in your church who are being abused by their pastors or husbands? Is there a teenage girl or single woman in your church who is dating or living with a man with a background of abuse? If so, are you willing to reach out to them with help and assistance in the same way you would to a victim of a cultic or heretical leader? Think about that as you attend church this week.


Across our country, women are dying–both emotionally and physically–at the cowardly words and brutal hands of an abusive man. We cannot, we must not sit back and allow someone else to bear the burden and tremendous responsibility to protect and assist women who live in fear on a daily basis.


As Christians, we are joined together in Christ as brothers and sisters. We are family. Right now there are members of our family who are suffering the tragic effects of emotional and physical abuse. We cannot afford to sit back and wait for domestic abuse to rear its ugly head within our family before we decide to get involved.


Today, a Google search on “domestic violence” netted over 11 million hits, and the numbers are growing on a daily basis. Therefore, I appeal to you to educate yourself and your family on the warning signs of domestic abuse, as well as the cultic mindset of an abusive man. Afterwards, I pray you will prayerfully consider getting involved in the battle against domestic abuse in the church.


There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord led me to write “The Waitress, the Man, and the Rose”. If you haven’t done so, I ask you to prayerfully consider placing it on your website and blog. Your doing so will help inform and educate your readers to a serious problem within the church, and will serve to encourage abused women to seek help and assistance.


Finally, Hits never hurt until they hit home! The emotional pain of knowing that a close friend or daughter is in harm’s way is excruciating. Those who have experienced it know exactly what I am talking about. If you haven’t, I pray that God will spare you and your family that pain.


I have pledged to do my part and stand in the gap for abused women. What about you?


In Christian love,

Bud Press, Director

Christian Research Service

June 23, 2009