SOURCE
http://christianresearchservice.blogspot.com/ (GREAT NEW LOOK ..BTW)
DOMESTIC ABUSE IN THE CHURCH
An Open Letter to Brothers and Sisters in Christ
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is
not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not
provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice
in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes
all things, hopes all things, endures all things. –1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Dear Brothers and Sisters:
As you may know, I have taken the time to educate myself on the problem of domestic abuse and the mindset of a female abuser. I have communicated with both Christian and non-Christian abuse counselors locally and nationwide, written a Letter to the Editor of our local newspaper, shared my concerns with numerous pastors locally, and written the story, “The Waitress, the Man, and the Rose” ( http://tinyurl.com/WaitressManRose ).
http://www.christianresearchservice.com/TheWaitressTheManTheRose.htm
Yesterday, during another phone conversation with Paula Silva (a Christian counselor and former sufferer of domestic abuse), I was informed of the widespread abuse occurring within the body of Christ, and that many of the calls she receives are from pastors’ wives–all of whom are suffering from one or more forms of domestic abuse (verbal, emotional, and physical).
Yes, you read it right: wives of pastors are being verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by the very men who stand in their pulpits at least three times per week preaching the love and compassion of Jesus Christ.
Again, during my phone conversation with Paula, I learned that it is rare that a man will get involved in the battle against domestic abuse, and stand in the gap for women everywhere who are suffering and living in fear every day of their lives.
While the very thought of a man abusing a woman is repulsive, a man who refuses to come to the aid of an abused woman causes within me an acute case of righteous indignation.
I am not ashamed to say that I have diligently prayed through my tears for women who endure the terrible ordeal of domestic abuse. Now that domestic abuse has reared its ugly head within the body of Christ, our Lord has led me to appeal to you to get involved in yet another “unpaid bill” of the church.
Yes, the battle to expose the cultic, occultic, and heretical teachers of our day is extremely important. However, as we defend the faith against those who promote demonic doctrines, please keep in mind that a man who abuses a woman has the same mindset of a cult leader, who uses the same fear, intimidation, humiliation, and isolation tactics on his followers.
Is there a woman or women in your church who are being abused by their pastors or husbands? Is there a teenage girl or single woman in your church who is dating or living with a man with a background of abuse? If so, are you willing to reach out to them with help and assistance in the same way you would to a victim of a cultic or heretical leader? Think about that as you attend church this week.
Across our country, women are dying–both emotionally and physically–at the cowardly words and brutal hands of an abusive man. We cannot, we must not sit back and allow someone else to bear the burden and tremendous responsibility to protect and assist women who live in fear on a daily basis.
As Christians, we are joined together in Christ as brothers and sisters. We are family. Right now there are members of our family who are suffering the tragic effects of emotional and physical abuse. We cannot afford to sit back and wait for domestic abuse to rear its ugly head within our family before we decide to get involved.
Today, a Google search on “domestic violence” netted over 11 million hits, and the numbers are growing on a daily basis. Therefore, I appeal to you to educate yourself and your family on the warning signs of domestic abuse, as well as the cultic mindset of an abusive man. Afterwards, I pray you will prayerfully consider getting involved in the battle against domestic abuse in the church.
There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord led me to write “The Waitress, the Man, and the Rose”. If you haven’t done so, I ask you to prayerfully consider placing it on your website and blog. Your doing so will help inform and educate your readers to a serious problem within the church, and will serve to encourage abused women to seek help and assistance.
Finally, Hits never hurt until they hit home! The emotional pain of knowing that a close friend or daughter is in harm’s way is excruciating. Those who have experienced it know exactly what I am talking about. If you haven’t, I pray that God will spare you and your family that pain.
I have pledged to do my part and stand in the gap for abused women. What about you?
In Christian love,
Bud Press, Director
Christian Research Service
http://www.christianresearchservice.com
http://christianresearchservice.blogspot.com
June 23, 2009
5 comments
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July 7, 2009 at 9:04 am
Monique
Dear Bud,
I’m refreshed by your letter. I’ve been researching support for Domestic Abuse victims from a biblical perspective for a few years with great dismay. Recently I’ve also noticed the proliferation of sound spiritual advice on the subject but a substantial disconnect between the cyber-world and real-life.
We all know what needs to happen. The next step is to figure out how to make that a reality. I was hoping you could give me some specific advice about how get started as an advocate against domestic abuse in the Christian community where we live and worship: How do we get our foot in the door to speak, and speak in a way so people… especially abusers…will listen?
Love and Thanks,
-Monique
July 11, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Kim
I am posting this response to Monique because sometimes the comment section has a mind of its own, and Bud had troubling posting. So here is his response.
********
Hi Monique:
I apologize for the delay in this response. God bless you for wanting to be an advocate against domestic abuse. There is plenty of information and educational materials available, but it is too much to cover in this post.
Contact me at admin@christianresearchservice.com and I will be glad to assist you. Include a phone number and I will call you to save the cost and time.
In the meantime, please remember our dear friend in your daily prayers. She was lured away over two months ago by a man with a background of abuse to women.
God bless,
Bud Press, Director
Christian Research Service
http://www.christianresearchservice.com
PS: You may be interested in reading “The Waitress, the Man, and the Rose at http://www.christianresearchservice.com/TheWaitressTheManTheRose.htm . It is a fictional story based on fact, and is dedicated to abused women everywhere.
May 29, 2010 at 12:37 am
Craig Benno
I am a chaplain. I am a male. And I am and have been active in church fellowship since 1997. I am also a vicitm and survivor of Domestic abuse from my wife. I suffered Verbal, emotional, spiritual and physical abuse…which escalated after I was released from hospital. I had been in there for 2 months due to my collapsing from viral encephalitis which had paralysed my right side.
You can read my story here http://mencanbeabusedtoo.wordpress.com/2010/05/18/words-that-cut-deep/
My experience was that no one believed me. My pastor laughed when I told him there were times she had threatened me with a knife. I was also black banned from the church when eventually I had to divorce after being bitten on the wrist to the bone. I had no where to go and had to sleep in my car for 6 weeks.
Current research is showing that within hetro sexual relationships 8% of women will suffer from DV and 7% of males will suffer from DV…there is no reason to believe this figure is any different in the congregation of the church.
May 29, 2010 at 9:12 am
Kim
Craig,
Thank you for sharing your story….
Women indeed can be just as abusive as men. I am so sorry that you were not believed….
As a church member I am horrified that the congregation turned their backs on you…it is not supposed to be this way…but Jesus Christ is always with those who are redeemed by the Holy Spirit.
I pray that you look back and see that you were never truly alone and that you share your faith with others.
June 2, 2010 at 5:53 am
Craig Benno
Thanks Kim. Your prayers are appreciated. I am now fellowshipping in a new church with a great bunch of people.