If your pastor has personal body guards, it’s time for a new church.

If the only time your pastor mentions Jesus is in the prayer, it’s time for a new church.

If your pastor preaches sermons consisting almost entirely of quaint illustrations, and funny stories about grandma’s and puppies, it’s time for a new church.

If your pastor uses the first 15-20 minutes of the service to tell corny, irreverent, borderline blasphemous jokes, talk about sports and poke fun at church members for being K-State fans, it’s time for a new church.

If your pastor doesn’t open his Bible during the sermon, it’s time for a new church.

If your pastor prepares a sermon by picking a topic he wants to preach on, and then finds 30 verse fragments taken out of context, in 15 different translations to keep the sermon “Biblical”, it’s time for a new church.

If your pastor uses ‘Nooma’ videos during any part of any sermon (unless to deconstruct it, explain its errors, and warn you about the heresy within) it’s time for a new church.

If your pastor preaches sermons based entirely on the latest Blockbuster flicks, it’s time for a new church.

If your pastor’s name is Rick Warren, it’s time for a new church.

If your pastor ever says the word “relevant”, it’s a safe bet that it’s time for a new church.

If your pastor claims the church is “Christ-Centered, and Cross-Focused”, but never talks about either, it’s time for a new church.

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